Life is becoming a challenge for me as each day go by...

I see him putting on a smile everyday. But i failed to see the distress and painful endurance he has been undergoing. It's not easy for him to take the blow though he may have seen it coming months ago. I worry for him, my loved one and myself. Still find it hard to accept the fact and feel so cooped up in my own little world. Not that I am preoccupied with my own business but I find it hard to share. No one can understand how tight I am feeling inside and how helpless I feel. Now that things have taken this turn, I wish I could have help out in one way or another. I really wish i can share abit of his worries and stay by him but I am never good at expressing my emotions and often end up in utter disaster cuz the the message never get across as intended. Will give myself time in attempting to stay optimistic, this is probably the only thing I can do to help.


Feels like my blog is becoming my hide-out. Luckily not many people are aware of this secluded hide-out except for some of my dear ones. There are times i couldnt and dont feel comfortable talking to anyone and this is the place i wan to channel my emotions to.

To my dear Hide-Out,
Feeling so sick and tired. Body is aching but some other part of body is aching like mad too and driving me crazy. Just couldn't explain the frustration in me for past two days. Fri was such a lovely day for me.. hang out with wonderful colleagues and had high time and fun. But the lovely days never last, in fact they always end with a painful start. Praying and wishing and hoping that the worst thing i have ever imagined is never going to come true. Just somehow we couldnt grow up and just so happened that we have different backgrounds. Seeing things from different pint of view brings out the drift and being too sensitive is too bad a thing at times. Dont feel understood but abused. Having too many responsibilities drains me. Having to take care of people makes me feel awkward. I don't want to be in the position I am in now but i have no idea how i can get out of here. But seems like i have been trying to escape from reality.

The solutions are staring right in my face but i just couldn't bring myself to carry them out. Whats wrong with u, Sand??? Just be honest, be frank and embrace everyone with open arms and open heart and be yourself!!! You are a sentimental freak, you have abundant love and care for people around you but why do you find it such a chore to show them??? What's wrong??!!




Im finally back!!! and now im blogging from office cuz there's nothing for me to do!!! It's the slack period now and almost the entire company is slacking and MSN n Sametime are out entertainment. Well, im posted to the IPO team together with 3 other colleagues from the August batch of people. Felt kinda detached from the July batch people cuz their bonding is already there and we are like intruders. Nevertheless I believe that time is the healing power. Haaaa....

Was away in Bangkok for New Hires Program training for the whole of last week. It was utter fun manx!! 5 days is just alrite for me. If I were to stay in Bangkok for more than that, guess I will bore to death cuz it's shopping shopping and shopping!!! Life shouldn't be about shopping all the time ma!! At least that's not for me la... Would prefer to go shopping then maybe go Chiang Mai for some scenery... Hehe...

Anyway Bangkok was good in terms of shopping. There were many night bazaars there like Suan Lum, Pat Pong, Pratunuum and mega shopping centres like MBK, Tokyu and lots more!! In fact, my shopping gang never get to complete a single market - it's always half done or worst!!! Cuz it''s just too.... BIG already. Training took up about 8 hrs each day for 3 days and subsequently we were part-time shoppers.. haaa... all the way till 1am and that explains why I have yet to recover from the lack of sleep. For 5 nights consecutively I didnt get enough sleep, pig is becoming panda already!!! Slept for most part of the trianing cuz the eye lids were too heavy to stay open. Haaa... and I always got caught in the act!!! Haaa... too bad la.. Sebast was even counting the number of people (out of 102 new hires) who were sleeping in the training room.. He was forcing himself to stay awake la.. haaa..

Best thing was that on our last night we went to Pat Pong, a very sleazy night bazaar and a nightspot for the Thais. Goodness.. should have wear more when I went there.. Im to blame la. But everything was ok except for the rain that wasn't very friendly with us cuz it started raining cats and dogs when we reached Pat Pong and began to seek shelter along the way. Luckily, the rain stopped while we dropped by Chang for foot massage. So sad that I didnt manage to get the Traditional Massage. Think I really need one soon to rid off all the aches after so many days of shopping.

Things always happen for a reason and i do see the rationale behind this overseas training...
Besides educating us on the methodology of EY and the basic audit knowledge, we also have the opportunity to know more colleagues. Afterall we are all in a foreign land and gotta take care of one another. It's through such get together sessions that we get to know one another more, and bonding begins from there. It's not difficult to clique with the new friends and that's a good thing. Really think the new hires in EY are very lucky cuz we get to ennjoy in the midst of training and help us pave a smoother path to simulate into the new working environment. Kudos to these dedicated people behind our welfare. Though our welfare is not as good as PW* la, still we are considered lucky le. Be contented!! haaaa...

Did i mention that i will be overseas for 3/4 of the year cuz of the position i hold in EY? Most of my dept's clients are in China and so have to make trips there quite frequently. It's not a bad thing afterall if I think of the prospects and development oppourtunites in the future. I just dread the thought of having to be away for 5-8 weeks for each assignment. Gonna miss home manx!!! Grateful for the wonderful oppourtunity I am give and grateful to my loved ones who show tantamount understanding and gave me the opportunity to stretch my potential. I will be back de... Same old me!


At Changi Airport just before departure


At Suan Lum market.. see the amount of things I bought.. there's more


There were 8 babies in the week that we were in bangkok!!!


My orientation team in Bangkok


BAngkok View from my hotel room


Last night had a major operation on dar's car at my house. His engine stalled after 5min of wait for me to come down and that's it, it couldn't start from then. Got my mummy and papa to operate on the car.. haa.. in the end my papa found out that the battery had gone flat. I ran up and down the house 3 times to fetch 1.5L of water, hammer and spanner and torchlight and a pail of water. And i didnt take dinner last night, wad a test on my perseverence. In the end, called the AA and the AA guy is really horrible lar... gave such an unfriendly attitude towards customer and keep on complaining that he couldn't find the place. you are just incapable lor.. anyway that guy still revive the battery and the engine could run again but may not last long. Dar and his mum then headed home. Sigh.. really so lost as to what to do last night - to leave or not to leave when the AA and his mum arrived. If i leave, like not nice and impolite; i stayed, i didnt know wad to do and felt so stupid. Grrr... left stranded.. lousy feeling.. anyway it's over le and they safely got home which is the most important thing.

Derrick got knocked out of Superstar le!!! Not that i am happy but it was really a tough match for the surviving 3 guys - Weilian, Junyang and Derrick. With Derrick's fan base, not quite possible for him to get knock out but in this world, anything is possible, be it the open or underhand method. Just to bad. It was a great experience for Derrick and his fan base is a great encourgament for his i bet. Such an achievement for Derrick will be a success already.

Receieved a distant call from a fren and felt so touch. Cuz he saw 2 pigs and it reminded of me. Best lar!! Wont blame him la.. it's the thought that counts.

Looking at next week's schedule i had a headache. Will be back on fri night from bangkok training then sat had an in-house training till 1730. Then sun morning have yoga class. Then my 2 tuitions how??? Prelims are coming, ought to give them more intensive class esp KJ. But then timing wise very difficult to arrange. Intended to keep my sun afternoon free for personal time but since no one appreciates it, i will just drown myself in tuition.. aiya but timing will be difficult to arrange.. Head pain ar... if only i have 12more hours a day.


What a day and what a complexion i have now!! Officially a roasted pig again and this time it hurts lor.. had never hurt as bad before. Must be the six hours under the sun.. gosh!!! All because of the Ubin trip on National Day!! I am not complaining about the weather but i am complaining having too much fun till i almost 'faint'!!! haaa

This Ubin trip with HnF palz have been planned for weeks! And as usual, we always materialise all plans!!! 10 ppl turned up and it made up to a banquet table..haaa... with Suan Kim being a guest cuz he has never attended any of our activity and bet he had an eye-opener on how crazy we are.

Supposed to meet at 9am but perpetually almost everyone is late except for Junhao and I. Best la.. and Dar was late for almost an hour!!! Forever one leh.. not that i wan to nag at him but bla bla bla... repeat too many times already.. too tired of repeating same old thing again. But luckily Bus 89 was quite co-operative and we still manage to reach Changi V on time as planned. Quite lucky ar despite the late-comers. MJ, SK and HX waited for almost an hr at Changi V lor. When we reached there, they had already finished their nasi lemak and had to wait for us for another 45min to finish our brunch. Haaa..

Ubin was so crowded yesterday!!! Cuz it's a public holiday ma and many Sporeans shared the same sentiments as us to have an island getaway and get closer to nature. But there was too long a queue so decided to take some pictures.


Me and Trina at the ferry terminal.


Me and Dar


Xiong caught in the act.. happened to face the camera


JH, YK, SK and MJ at the back with Xiong in the front


Trina, Me, Dar and KK on the boat


The guys having their shot


Nice scenery with Dar.. er.. except for the tyre behind

Almost all the bikes from one of the shops were almost snapped by noon time. It's just too crowded le. And we went to another shop that offers $5 per bike. I used to get similar quality for $3 from another shop whose bikes were snapped up yesterday. Obviously it's daylight robbery at this shop la. And for that rate KK's bike had to be returned cuz his gear chain broke along the way to Thai Temple. What a major operation by all the guys haaa... but in the end got the bicycle shop people to send a new bike to the temple.

along the way my bike also lose momentum - the gear became useless and the bike less powerful. Made it so tedious and exhausting for me while riding up slope. But jH has a miraculous hand haa.. cuz he rode my bike, made a few rounds then the gear ok already.. haaa.. but happiness never last la.. after some time the gear lose power again.. but i used my perseverence as the substituted power. Haaa.. crap!!

Met some fishers along the way and guess we brought luck to him haa.. cuz the moment we stopped by at the beach there was a catch and it was a ...


...catfish.. was told that its fins were poisonous so he had to cut away the fins first. Another lesson learnt.


Taken by a cyclist who happened to stop by at the bridge too. We take for him, he take for us. Fair.. haaa

Oh and KK dropped his water bottle in the lake/river. KK, u reallie very suay that day leh.


Nice view of one of the quarries in Ubin. Dar, not bad ar your shooting skill, manage to capture so clearly from behind the fence


At Chek Jawa


These guys prefer to stay on rocks while the rest prefer to go for sea.


My left leg had an open wound and hurts when immersed in water so gotta lift it up.. dont care whether nice or not... haaa


A coconut dropped and landed on water, splashing water on Trina and Me tho Trina kanna more. Wonder if a wild boar had finished his coconut and threw out haaa... cuz the coconut is half-opened le and the 2 halves were thrown separately with a time lag.


Dar act cool ar...


Modelling for bike and MJ became the model for everyone to take photo with in the forest.

And we visited the NPCC camo site.. thanx to SK for leading us there but nothing much to see there except for the gate and some helicopters that happened to pass by reallie low.



And our last stop is the Noordin Beach. Beautiful sunset from there.

Some fences were built to prevent illegal immigrants, according to YK. These fences may seem like an eye soar but i think they looks pretty ok with the scenery cuz not exactly very lousy quality kind of fences.


As a proof of our visit


Me with Noordin Beach.. Y not Notthing Hill??? crap!!!

It's yummy time finally!!! Gotta return the bike by 6pm and we did that on time. Afterwhich we had our refreshing coconut and dinner at a seafood restaurant of the island!! Great manx!! The taste was considered above average for the price we paid and serving was excellent for the price we paid and the price was superbly good lor -$7.60/pax inclusive of $2 coconut for everyone!!! Good eat, best eat, must eat!!!


No one can be bothered with image after a long and tiring day


Parting shot on island


The natural glow on Trina and Greg looks great!!


Beautiful sunset courtesy of Dar. U always very good with scenic photos hor..


Thought this is quite neat and beautiful


Me standing between 2 flags - one is national flag, the other one..er... dunno

Here comes the fun of the night or rather the highlight of the night. This outing was actually for KK's advanced bday celebration and as usual we have our zheng ren plans and kk is just too bad to have Trina, Me, Greg and Dar to be the majority shareholders and he nearly die-ded in our hands. So fun but the pics are not suitable for public viewing for the sake of KK's face.. haaaa.. But overall must praise KK for his courage cuz he's so game for everything despite having him to dress like a 302. Gosh!!! That's ultimate!!! Pray hard that he wont take revenge on me in 2 months time.


Woosh..a success to Project KK



AJ 05/00 gathering at Marche


Marc the cow who claims to be a yandao.. er... think he still owe me a treat.. hmm


Mad, Malv, Meiyun and Moi



Glorious PHS


Almost half of 4 Faith '99 took pic with Mr Sim, our favourite teacher


Woaw..... a week has just passed like this!!! And today mark the last day of my work at TPL. But yesterday was a little tainted by that stupid shortie Gabriel HR Manager.. no wonder the entire office detest him so much!! I dont detest him, I despise him!!! Pray hard that i will never get to meet him in future!!!
Anyway the Finance & Treasury Dept treated me to Marche, Sam gave me a pair of movie tickets and Stella gave me a pair of earrings.. Haaa... quite fruitful.. felt bad accepting their gifts and the treat so decided to buy them some small gifts for them. Though cost a little, so long as everyone is happy i'll just eat more grass in the coming week.. heee


Super talkative Tony.. see how tall he is... or rather i am too short le la...


Meiqi.. my cloest colleague in TPL.. v helpful and hardworking girl, veru nice temper but got to see her blow her top today cuz of her new house reno.. sigh.. another typical pre-marriage problem


Mary n Chloe.. Mary so cute and farnie while Chloe is still new to TPL.. all the best!!


Uncle Boon Wah.. my AJ and NBS senior.. so coincidental.. one of the colleagues i can clique well with .. probably cuz of age gap not as wide i guess... He can even discuss Superstar with me wor..

On the whole, really learnt alot from them and in terms of job knowledge it's alot more though it was overwhelming at the start but manage to enjoy my stay there cuz of wonderful colleagues..

Sun was spent travelling round the north region of Spore with Dar. Started with yoga class in the morning then zoo and then ktv with Greg, KK n Trina at night. It was fun lar.. but i zapped my energy after some time into the ktv session and nearly slept in the room cuz the aircon was too strong to be comfortable as a bed already except for some inconsiderate smokers who were smokng in the nearby rooms. I was told that we requested for the non-smoking zone but the promise wasn't realised la.. i wan to complain ar!! Poor customer service.. let the smokers soak themselves in each other's exhaled air and leave us clean ppl alone lar..

Sounds farnie to go zoo at my age but it's been a long time since we last visit the zoo and it's time to relive the childhood memories while i still have the time. To be honest ya.. Spore zoo is really small lor.. we amnaged to cover 98% of the zoo in 3 hours, the remaining 2% include the Reptile Park where i fear to see snakes (will freak out when i see them and stay miles away from them) and some small regions that didnt look appealing from the map. The biggest disappointment for Dar n I is probably the kangaroos. Due to tiredness n time constraint, decided to give it a miss. Will wait for the chance to go Australia and visit the kangaroos cuz it's their local products. Spore's kangaroos are merely immigrants... lolx


Polar Bear - Inuka is his name!! Felt abit sad while watching the feeding cuz i pity that Inuka has to be trapped in the tank for 365 days for years. He is really cute!!


Orangutan - Some human-like and he seems to be throwng temper... ignoring the crowd


Zebras at the background. Reminds me of the zebra in Madagascar.


Giraffes - Suddenly i like giraffes so much, think that they look rather innocent and cute.. silly me lar


Self shot while waiting for Polar Bear feeding to begin


Forgot name of this animal.. but SO cute...


Isnt this pose sexy? Lionness as fierce as me? haaa


With the seal statutes


Touching the pony.. Feels so scared at first.. but still scared.. haa

After zoo was really tired le.. felt quite sad at the end cuz of their restricted lifestyle.

Then KTV.. haaa.. KK ar.. the new ktv king liao la.. can never put down the mike..


You don't see KK...


You see KK..

More outings up and coming.. yoo hooo.....

31 Oct 83
sandinas@hotmail.com

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