10 Things Happy Couples Do by Mark Goulston, M.D.
Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon isover. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beautywill wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationshipmistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things that happy couples do:
1. Go to bed at the same time.Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to makelove? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times.They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to dothings while their partner sleeps.
2. Cultivate common interests.After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize theimportance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. Ifcommon interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the sametime, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you moreinteresting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.
3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand orside by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner thanto see the sights along the way.
4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couplesdefault to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always findsomething. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always findsomething, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couplesaccentuate the positive.
6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch"(neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed inthe "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.
7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning.This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each dayto battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.
8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel.This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, youstill want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and yourpartner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.
9. Do a "weather" check during the day.Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjustexpectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. Forinstance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonableto expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.
10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.Happy couples are pleased to beseen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- handon hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showingoff but rather just saying that they belong with each other.
Even if these actions don't come naturally, happy couples stick with themuntil they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of sixmonths for a habit to become a way of life and love.